Unmarried and Childless in a Family Reunion

I’m supposed to visit my relatives in a nearby province this weekend. It’s my dear aunt’s birthday and I promised her that I’d come and visit because I’ve been feeling so guilty for not having showed up at their doorstep for two years (and I live just an hour and a half away!). But, I have a good reason for not coming as often as I should – I dread family reunions. I’ve been dreading family reunions since I turned 25 because every time my relatives see me, all they could ever think of asking is: “So, why are you not married yet?”

Fine, I know they care about me but sometimes their remarks could be downright annoying. Here are some examples:

▪ “You’re in your 30s, you should be married by now or you won’t be able to have children.”

Yes, it is true that as you approach the mid 30s, getting pregnant and giving birth becomes more and more difficult and dangerous. The thing is - they should not be assuming that just because I am a woman, I want to have children. Right now, I’m not sure I want to have a child (whether out of wedlock or not) and I don’t think that’s a big deal. Women are free to choose whether they want to have children or not.


▪ “Who will take care of you when you grow old?”

Whenever I'm asked this question, I've always wanted to say, "Well, I'm going to check myself in at the Home for the Aged, so you don't have to worry about me." or "I'll kill myself when I get too old and dependent." But, of course, my only response has always been to just smile and change the subject so I don't have to go through a long discussion of why I don't like the idea of wanting to have children just because I want to make sure that there will be someone who'll take care of me when I grow old.


▪ “Maybe your standards are too high.”

Okay, this one is a classic. I hear it all the time and not just from my relatives. Actually, I have long accepted the fact that some people may be way out of my league but I’m not going to just grab the first person who comes along, right? In matters of love, should we settle for what is currently available just because we're afraid of growing old alone? I think not.


▪ “Why are you not married yet? You’re pretty.”

Okay, I love it that they think I’m pretty (even if I think I’m not) but I don’t like the insinuation that if you’re not pretty, it’s but natural that you would be less marriageable because this is not true. Looks help attract someone but in the long run, compatibility is what matters.


▪ "Maybe you’re too 'suplada' (snob).”

Well, I am a quiet person who may be a bit anti-social at times, which people seem to always mistake for snobbery... so, sue me. The thing is, I am not attracted to people who get intimidated by me... and yes, I will not play dumb just to get someone to like me. So, sue me.


▪ “I know somebody you can date.”

Yes... apparently, my relatives are all cupid wannabes. They all know someone who they think will be perfect for me. I appreciate the concern but really... I can find my own date... that is, if I want a date.


Honestly, I'm tired of hearing these same remarks over and over. There were times when I did try to answer their questions and remarks but seeing that there are some very basic differences in our current perspectives and beliefs about love and life in general, I've already learned not to take their tirades seriously. So, I just smile and change the subject, crack a joke or two, come up with some witty or shocking replies, laugh a lot... until eventually, they'll pick on some other relatives.